When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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