I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Randomize
