when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
