I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
