the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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