i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
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Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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