I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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