As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
