living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
