i permit you to call me
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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