based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
