She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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