I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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