she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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