Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
