I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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