my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
time to smoke my breakfast
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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