I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
