its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Rumble strips road head = magical
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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