i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
