yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
