That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm having to shit out rocks
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
