can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
