I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
