Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I could make wine with my vomit
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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