the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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