we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
