3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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