You can't special order awesome
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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