im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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