I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I want to be your penis for a week.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
