I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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