hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
