Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Green mimosas i think yes
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
