I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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