i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just puked most of my soul out..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
