he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
