I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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