i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
