does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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