after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
