The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
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She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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