i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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