im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
