I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
