bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
