I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
