Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
