If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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