His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
