I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
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At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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