So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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