The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize