So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
