I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
