Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
