she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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