I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
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