Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
