Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize