I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
