btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
