i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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