You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
