Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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