Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So vagazzling was a success
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
