Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
