I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
