guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
