is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize