are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
