You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
