home. puking in laundry basket.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
