Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
