my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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