I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
